Emotional breakdown at mile 4....

It has taken me a few days to write this post because I was not ready to tell the world about my experience during Saturday's run at Cowtown. However, I started this blog and promised to always be upfront and honest so I could see my growth over time and just maybe help someone who faced my same fears.  So here goes...

Saturday's 10K was hard on me emotionally. The day started out with our hotel not really knowing how and when they were suppose to get us to the run even though the night before we were told they would take us in the hotel van at 6:30. The run started at 7:00 so this was pushing it anyway. Their sense of urgency at 6:30am did not match my sense of urgency. I finally lost my cool right in the hotel lobby. Needless to say, we made it to the start line with plenty of time to spare.

The crowd was huge. It took 4 minutes for us to get to the start line once the run started. It was cold and I was tired. I did okay through the first 4 or so miles, but then I began to lose momentum. I could no longer feel my legs and they refused to move.

I made it to the finish line, but I was already a basket case. I saw the clock and lost it. I decided I would never, ever run again. I could have walked faster. I called my husband and told him I was quitting. He told me there was no way I was going to quit after a bad day. Long story short, after I got some food in my body and become more rational, I realized the clock time was not the same as my chip time (I had not taken the 4 minutes it took to get to the start line into account). I looked up my time online and felt better. I am still very slow, but at least it was faster than my average run.

This is why I call this blog Confessions of a Crazy Mom. I get upset. I want to quit. I tell myself that I am too fat, too old, too busy, too slow and I am just not cut out to be a runner. I see all of these ladies that just run with ease and it comes naturally.  I am not one of those ladies.

My motto for the day is "Dig Deeper". So if you are out there and have ever thought of giving up, but did not, I want to hear your story. What got you past the mental block and made you move forward?

On a lighter note, my blog hit 2,000 views over the weekend (thanks, Mom!).

Me in one of the 2,000 outfits I tired on and did not wear...

My Aha Moment!

It was about a year ago when I seriously started training for my first 5K. I had began reading a blog I found on Pinterest by a lady who called herself Mama Laughlin. She is a southern girl through and through. She is honest about how hard it is to work, be a mother, a wife, and train.

She talked about a C25K program. I had no idea what it was, but I am a Googling kind of gal so I figured it out. Once I figured out it was a program to train you to run a 5K, I had to figure out how far 5K was. Yes ma'am, I started this running journey without a clue.

A wonderful friend said she would train with me and we got started. Most of our training was on a treadmill at the gym. A friend at the gym convinced us to go ahead and sign up for a 5K and it just happened to fall at the exact end of our training program. That meant there was no repeating days or weeks. We just had to push on regardless if we had good days or bad days.

I barely slept the night before the 5K. I had my clothes laid out and ready to go days early. I was so nervous. Halfway through the race I thought I must be crazy and thought I would never do this again, but I finished upright and with a smile on my face and ready to do it again. Once it was over, I started skipping gym days and lost motivation. Now, I know this is normal and that many runners have post race day blues.

My aha moment....I need something on my calendar to keep me motivated. Thank you Piney Woods Runner for that lesson!

What keeps me going...

Well, it has been a long few weeks. So many things have happened personally that have made me want to quit. That little voice in my head says maybe I am not spending enough time with my family or enough time cooking and cleaning. Yet I keep going...

I am in the middle of my training for the half. It seems like I have been training forever, but on the other hand, it seems like I don't have enough time left. Yet I keep going...

I do it because I can. I do it because I need to. I do it to accomplish goals that seem too huge in the beginning. I do it because I want to. But honestly, what keeps me going some days is the fear of sucking. I need to know that I gave it everything I have. I will finish regardless if I have to walk, crawl, or roll. So I keep going...

Triple Threat...Not Yet!

I try to write at least twice a week. I wrote something Wednesday, but hated it when I re-read it so I did not post it.

I had a great weekend even after a week that was not so great. I got up early Saturday morning and headed to Longview to run and ride in the 25th Annual Freeze Your Fanny. I will be honest and tell you that I seriously thought about staying in bed. I knew it was going to be a hilly run and I was really nervous about my first bike event. I didn't figure anyone would miss me so I could have gotten away with staying in bed. I have not missed a race that I signed up for yet so I got up and got my stuff together and headed out.

I am still a slow runner, but I was truly excited by my time on my first mile. So many people have told me to just run and it would come. It hasn't really seem to come for me so I have started researching. After a year of running, I think I have been hitting the ground with the wrong part of my foot. I worked on it during the race. It was hard, but I saw improvement. I wish I would have known this a year ago. I made it through the run and had over an hour before my ride.

It took me a good 20 or 30 minutes to get my biking gear together. I only rode 10 miles and I was very tired by the end of the day. When the race started, people were flying past me saying "on your left" and "on your right" to warn me they were passing. It was a little nerve racking, but these are things I need to learn. Since it was only my 4th time to ride, I did okay. I finished my weekend up today by riding 11 miles with a freshmen group.

I am pretty proud that I tackled this. I was so nervous that I could barely carry on a conversation yesterday. I am so excited by all of the people I met yesterday (and throughout this entire process).

So 24+ miles this weekend!!!! I now need 24 hours of rest! Only 7 weeks until my half.

I will tackle swimming one day so I can say I am a triple threat. Until then....

Monkeying Around

It was a great weekend! I participated in my first trail run. It was called the Monkey Trail Run because it was near the chimpanzee enclosures. It was like a little adventure through the woods. We climbed over a few trees and stumps. I can't wait to do it again.

I put in 5 hard miles running (and walking) this morning and then went on a beginner road bike ride for 8 miles. Love, love biking!

So it is 8 weeks from today until my half marathon. I have a long way to go and a short time to get there.

How do you know when someone is in training??? In my case, there is always peanut butter and ibuprofen in my car.

Real confessions....

Many of my posts will be related to my fitness journey, but one day a week I want to go off course a little. I am not only working on my physical health, but I am also working on my spiritual health. I want to be careful not to say anything to embarrass or offend my family so forgive me if I am vague during portions of my posts. Hopefully, my heart will be visible when my words are not.

Being grateful to God is easy when things are going smooth. When things are not going smooth I have a tendency to worry. I often worry to the point I can't do other things I need to do. As my Sunday school teacher said "Worrying never added one year to a person's life". Sounds simple, but it doesn't always seem so simple to me.

Recently I saw my son do something that really made me think "where did he learn that?" The answer hurt. Although he has many influences in his life, I am the central point of his life. This was seriously a turning point for me.

After many hours of prayer, I realized he not only says things I say, but he feels things I feel. I not only must be careful what I do and say in front of him, but I have to watch my thoughts and actions even when I think he is not looking. He sees things and feel things I don't even know he sees and feels.

That means I must really change the way I think about things (and not just pretend when he is around). All too often I have had opinions about how people look or how they live without regard to how God sees that person. I may not have voiced these opinions, but they were lurking inside of me somewhere. I am not sure how to make them disappear, but I am praying.

In the last several weeks I have prayed continuously about my actions and words. I have made an effort to smile more. The more I smile when I don't want to, the more I want to smile. Progress? I hope so.

Being a mom is a challenge. I mess up more than I get it right. I hope and pray I don't mess it up too bad. I also hope and pray that God guides my actions and words on my journey.

Run Turtle Run

Run Turtle Run is a new blog I am following, but it was a fitting title for today. Longest, slowest 5 miles ever. I know I am going through the motions of running, but my pace is still very slow. I have to admit this is very frustrating. I don't think I am putting enough time in during the week so this week I am stepping up my game.

On a lighter note, I came home and grabbed my new shiny red bike and rode 6-7 miles. I did not clock my distance or check my speed. It was my first real ride. I loved it!!!! Tomorrow I go on a beginner ride with a group. I am so excited because my friend who is experienced is going with me. I think I am going to like this biking thing.

I am not sure if I have introduced you to my running partner. She is awesome. She has made several friends along our route who also come along on our run. They play in the water and have a blast. The neighbors love us (not!) because they have to stop and/or slow down to pass my little entourage. I just smile and wave. Most of them do not return my enthusiasm.